August 8th, 2009
How many of you have a plan for your life? It is critical for men to have a plan and have the ability to communicate it artfully to their partner. There is something quite sexy about a man who knows what he wants and demonstrates a commitment to bringing it into being. If you want to make it with a woman having a plan is one of the three essential ingredients necessary. Read about the other two in The Relationship Revolution.
Failing to plan is planning to fail. What is also true is that without a plan for your life, you are destined to be in reaction to whatever life throws your way. You choose, be reactive or responsive in your life.
Tags: Men, Relationship Advice, Relationship Coaching, Relationship Help, Vision
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August 7th, 2009
Patience is a virtue so we are told. Many people suffer from impatience, do you? I am often asked by clients that I coach how to develop patience. In looking at my own life and at my ability to be patience, I have discovered a curious thing. That my ability to have and practice patience is increased by the degree to which I feel loved.
I invite you to explore patience in your own life and see if love impacts your ability to offer this valuable gift, both to yourself and others. I’d welcome hearing from you in this regard.
Tags: Relationship Advice, Relationship Coaching
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July 24th, 2009
Sitting at a window seat in a downtown restaurant I noticed a well dressed attractive couple in their early thirties get out of an expensive gleaming vehicle. I could see that they had parked illegally and was moved to tell them when I noticed that there was a disabled sticker on the dashboard.
Now forgive me if I sound judgmental because I don’t think that I am. This couple walked down the street with poise and purpose. I couldn’t help thinking that they weren’t disabled in any way so what’s the deal? Is this just a case of entitlement? I can tell that that two things happened for me. Firstly I noticed that I felt angry. Secondly I wondered to myself, “What is it that I try to get away with “and do I have any entitlements going on in me?
Now that was worth mulling over at dinner.
Tags: Men, Relationship Advice, Relationship Coaching, Relationship Help, the work of men, the work of relationship, the work of women, Vision
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July 12th, 2009
The reasons to stay in a relationship:
Because you made a commitment.
Because you get to learn who you are inside of what it is you create.
Because you are a pair bonding species.
Because what you have is as a direct result of what you belief at your deepest core.
Because it is the best vehicle for self discovery on the planet.
Because you stand to gain the most from staying in the tension and inviting the other to come play together.
Tags: Relationship Advice, Relationship Coaching, the work of men, the work of women, Vision
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July 10th, 2009
What is it that men are so afraid of?
Over the years as a relationship coach I have worked with so many men. One of the mysteries that I still ponder is what happens within a man who, when challenged to be his best, to be his word, or to step up fully into his life, just takes off. This is a mystery to me because, in my experience, women rarely do this. If a woman is going to disengage from the process she is much more likely to say so than men. Many men will just take off without so much as a word, no dialogue, no discussion.
I wonder if women are simply better at staying in the tension than men? I’d appreciate your thoughts on this.
Blessings
owen
Tags: Add new tag, Men, Relationship Advice, the work of men
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July 9th, 2009
I have been searching the internet for information on Happiness. There are literally 76.5 million sights that come up when you Google the word Happiness. It must be something that people want. I think that the key to happiness is very simple and I didn’t see it on ANY OF THE TOP SITES expousing happiness. When I look at being the most happy in my life, it wasn’t winning $20 on the lotto, it wasn’t getting that new chair or bike or getting anything actually. It was when I was giving. It was when I was giving the truth to someone. That is when I have felt the best, the happiest and the most content.
It’s a funny thing truth. Well actually not that funny, most of the time. As I say in my book The Relationship Revolution, the truth will set you free, and first it will make you miserable. Eventually you will feel better because at the end of the day you are being you. Who better to be than your authentic best self? You see I think that we end up hating ourselves when we are inauthentic. All we have to move past is our fear of others judging our truth and possibly not liking us. What would you prefer, “Would you want other to like you while you hated yourself?” or “Would you prefer to like yourself for being real and risk disappointing another?”
At the end of the day, You choose Happiness or Misery?
Tags: Relationship Advice, Relationship Coaching, Relationship Help, the work of relationship, Vision
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July 3rd, 2009
I was reminded by a friend who just returned from London, England of the phrase ‘Mind the Gap’. If you have ever travelled on the Tube you will be familiar with the phrase. The thought occurred to me that it is a great phrase for relationship and even for life. I don’t think that we pay much attention to the gap between where we are and where we really want to be in life.
One way for us to pay attention to the gap is to ask ourself ‘where am I now?’ This is a critical question as we have to be willing and able to tell ourselves the truth about where we are if we have any hope of figuring out the gap between here and there. There being where we long to be in our life. Being in relationship requires that we be willing to explore this gap. On the underground (Tube) people usually avoid looking at the gap. It’s like we are afraid of the gap. Are you afraid of the gap between where you are right now in your life and where you want to be? What is so frightening about the gap?
What would happen if you choose to see the gap as a gift?
Tags: Relationship Advice, Relationship Coaching, Relationship Help
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June 29th, 2009
Yesterday I attended the Graduation Ceremony of The New Warrior Training Adventure in Toronto. What a powerful experience to witness women speak of their hunger for men to step more fully into their lives. Yes, women spoke up and I was again inspired.
For a long while now I have been pondering the question about enrollment. What will enroll men to do just that, to step up and into their lives fully? I ask myself what is it that I need to do in my relationships to ‘talk without words’ in such a way as to inspire men to live more empowered lives.
At the graduation, I was acknowledged for receiving The Ron Hering Award in 2008. The award is given in recognition to a man who is of service to his community outside of the Mankind Project. (www.MKP.org) I was touched and inspired to continue to contribute to my community by the women who care enough about their men, their sons, brothers, lovers and husbands to challenge and support them to be the best that they can be. I am left with the knowing that the most powerful way that we can speak in the world isn’t through our words, it is through our actions. I am clear that relationship excellence can only be achieved through actions. My wish for you is that you look at the ‘talking’ your actions are demonstrating in your world.
Blessings
Owen
Tags: Men, Relationship Advice, Relationship Coaching, the work of men, Vision
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June 25th, 2009
Have you ever thought that instead of complaining about someone else or worse nagging them about a complaint of yours that you could simply ask for what you want. One of the common challenges people seem to have is asking for what they want in relationship. Because we have a hard time asking we suffer the pain of being stuck in the story that we make up about ourselves or the other. perhaps this story goes, “They don’t care about me”, or “I’m not important”, or “I never get what I want”. All these stories (they are made up in your own head) are painful and keep you stuck.
What would it take to give up the story (or at least make up a story that made you feel good) and move into action? How might you grow by doing something unpredictable?
GO FOR IT, LIFE IS SHORT.
Tags: Men, Relationship Advice, Relationship Coaching, Relationship Help, the work of men, the work of relationship, the work of women, Vision
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June 24th, 2009
I marvel at technology. Well, truth be told, I am still intimidated by the possibilities that exist today for the myriad of ways for getting connected with others. On the flip side, as a relationship coach one of the most common complaints I hear in my work with couples is about the BlackBerry. Can you imagine, this handy little device seems to be the root cause of so much dissension. Originally devised to make communication easier it would appear that for many couples the BlackBerry is now being blamed for communication problems.
You can instantly text and ping and email each other. Oh yes, you can phone each other too and soon, you will be able to video chat as well. This was the stuff of Star Wars and futuristic fantasy novels. So what’s the problem? Simply this, the communication is so immediate it becomes addictive. I think back to days before answering machines (yes, I am that old) and you simply called back when there was no answer. Now we feel compelled to answer the bloody phone simple because it makes a noise. Have we no boundaries any more? I know of people who wake in the middle of the night and check their BlackBerry.
The difficulty lies in our unwillingness to say no. It isn’t the fault of the BlackBerry (or any other devise, I am an iPhone man personally) so lets not lay blame there. In fact, let’s not look for blame at all. Let’s look at taking responsibility for the impact of our behaviour. If our being on a device which was designed to get us connected is actually making us more disconnected, that’s worth a look. It’s all about choice, so you choose. What would change in your life if you became willing to say NO?
P.S.
Oh, and being able to instantly connect, sure makes having an affair so much more exciting. (More on that in a later post)
Tags: Add new tag, Relationship Advice, Relationship Coaching, Relationship Help
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